Letting Go: You Can’t Always Be the Fixer, and That’s Okay (Mostly)

Hey there, fellow control enthusiasts—oops, I mean parents. If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent the last couple of decades as the CEO of Problem Solving Inc. Your kids scrape a knee? You’ve got the band-aid. They forget their science project? You’re the 3 a.m. hero hot-gluing volcanoes. But now, as they venture into the chaotic wilderness of “adulting,” we’ve hit a terrifying realization: we can’t always fix it.

And let me tell you, watching them stumble, fall, and get back up is like sitting on your hands while a toddler tries to cut their own bangs. It’s painful, messy, and absolutely necessary.

The Fixer Mentality: Where It All Began

Somewhere along the way, we got it into our heads that our job was to solve every problem, patch every hole, and basically ensure our kids never felt discomfort. Blame it on Pinterest-perfect parenting or that one time Karen at soccer practice shamed you for forgetting snacks (I still remember, Karen). But here’s the thing: by always being the fixer, we might’ve accidentally created little humans who don’t know how to fix anything themselves.

Cue the Wake-Up Call

Fast forward to now: they’re in their 20s or almost there, facing real-life messes—relationships, careers, finances. And here we are, itching to swoop in with advice, money, or the emotional duct tape to hold it all together. But here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud: every time we fix it for them, we’re robbing them of the chance to learn how to fix it themselves. Ouch, right?

Letting Go (Without Losing Your Mind)

So, how do we let go without throwing them completely to the wolves? Here’s what I’ve learned (or am trying to learn):

1. Offer Support, Not Solutions - When they call mid-meltdown because their partner isn’t texting back, resist the urge to say, “Dump them immediately!” Instead, ask questions: “How does this make you feel? What do you think you should do?” It’s harder than it sounds, but it works.

2. Let Them Fail (and Don’t Say ‘I Told You So’) - Watching your kid bomb their first apartment search because they didn’t budget properly is brutal. But letting them struggle is the only way they’ll learn to save up next time. Bite your tongue, pour a mocktail (or wine), and let it be.

3. Set Boundaries for Yourself - If their bad choices are starting to mess with your peace—hello, unpaid loans or late-night drama calls—it’s okay to set boundaries. “I love you, but I can’t bail you out this time” might be the hardest sentence you’ll ever say, but trust me, it’s necessary.

4. Why Letting Go Is the Greatest Gift - Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving them—it means you trust them enough to figure things out. And honestly? It’s kind of liberating. Now you’ve got time to rediscover yourself. Take that yoga class. Start that side hustle. Or just sit on the couch in silence and marvel at the fact that no one is asking what’s for dinner.

Final Thoughts (and a Dash of Tough Love)

Parenting grown-ish kids isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s messy, chaotic, and comes with a side of heartbreak. But the sooner we stop trying to be the fixer, the sooner they’ll start figuring out how to fix things themselves. And isn’t that the whole point?

So here’s to letting go, one awkward stumble at a time. Trust me, they’ve got this (and so do you).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to NOT call my son to remind him to pay his car insurance. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.